Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
