Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
