I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
