I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
