don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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