I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
