You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
