can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
