FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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