I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
