"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can Purell be used as lube?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
