I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
