my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
