and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
