spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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