im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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