he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
