I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love having hate sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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