Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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