sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
