I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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