oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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