Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
