Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
