yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
