I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
