Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
