I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
