I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
