Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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