When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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