I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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