I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This baby is an asshole
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
