I'm so fucking centered right now
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
