my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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