Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
