can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
