I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
