yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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