Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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