My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
