Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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