just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
