is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
