You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
