Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
