have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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