I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
