Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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