I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
