You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
