How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
