you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
