i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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