I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
