i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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