my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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