Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
someone owes me an orgasm
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
