had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
as a side note pls kill me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
