party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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