just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
