I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
