I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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