Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
