oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
