hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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