Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
