Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i out mim tonsoeep
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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