Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
