He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
