I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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