Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
