I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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