i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
