Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
