I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
